ALWAYS AT HIS SIDE
Lyrics / Music: © Kerstin Dröge, August 1996

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Probably the most difficult and bitter time in my life so far ... but wounds can heal, and this one did.
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Loneliness, feeling so sad
I sit in bed and listen to the voices in my head
My thoughts are spinning 'round them
And 'round and 'round again
Will I be able to forgive
And if ever, how and when?

I was always at his side, stood strong as one could be
Sharing all the good and bad was what this friendship meant to me
He told me, I would be his life, his conscience and much more
Still he was lying all the same the moment I stepped out the door

She was always at his side, his dreams and joys to share
without a view for darker hours, there was no second left to care
'bout what they were about to do, about how I would feel
This carelessness starts turning me now into ice and steel

Loneliness, anger rising high
Why did he have no courage to simply say goodbye
So many times I strongly felt
That there was something wrong
But I just swallowed my distrust -
For him and for too long

My life is quite demanding, I have lots of work to do
As often as I could arrange, I shared his plans and chaos too
Although I often critisized, it seemed so clear to me
That he would be the one with whom forever I would be

Her life was only fandom, she had not much to lose
Showing always friendliness, so it would be her he'd choose
She was his wildest dream come true, was all that he could say
Still he could not believe this were forever and for aye

How can I live with her picture before me,
A dream which I never can be
How can I believe that his feelings have changed
And he will now be honest to me
I can't live with just being his choice
Because there may be reasons the head clearly sees
I just want to be loved and believed in and feel
That his heart has decided for me

No more loneliness, but still a burning fear
At night I wake up crying those bitter, silent tears
And he is with me, holding me
And whispering in my ear
"Everything will be allright,
I promise you, my dear"